This is a continuation of the emotions series.
I concluded the cause of this feeling quite quickly: the
inability to relate when desired. Now,
the reason this came up was discussing emotions with a friend. Moreover, I couldn't connect on one of the
emotions the other was describing.
Particularly in this case was joyful crying. I've never once cried out of joy. However, I do admit to crying and it leading
to joy, such as when I cried over my performance as a teacher and becoming
inspired to do better. But it was the
realizing I hit “rock bottom” that initiated the crying, not the inspirational
piece. The fact seeing “beauty” causes
crying does not make sense to me.
Crying during happy occasions is a common occurrence. For example, I've seen people cry during
weddings. But I almost want to say the
tears are brought on by negative feelings, such as a he-doesn't-need-me-anymore
feeling. In that case, I can understand
why parents or some family members cry.
Now, sometimes friends of the bride/groom cry. I can only understand those tears if the
person feels a bit jealous or also gets the I’m-alone-now feeling. Otherwise, why wouldn't you just smile and/or
laugh like in every other happy moment of life?
Anyway, the inability (and sometimes undesirability) to
relate to people shuts me off. I know
this is why I don’t try to start conversation at the grocery store or other
random places. Now don’t get this wrong,
for I do smile and put out positive non-verbals because smiling makes me and
others feel better. Yet, I've been
having the feeling of failure to connect too many times when talking with
people about their emotional feelings.
In order to fix this, I need to start asking people how they got said
feelings so I can get more information and possibly make a real
connection. This way, I can avoid
feeling isolated and clearly show myself caring for others. I think I’m trying to ditch the robot….
